Anxious because your anxiety is gone?
It’s a real thing!
I experienced daily social and generalized anxiety disorder from grammar school through the beginning of college that felt suffocating. It limited my ability to really dive into life experiences. Feeling a knot in my stomach every morning when I woke up was normal, my ‘known.’ So, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up one day without it. My entire body felt loose. The first thoughts out of my brain were not something negative. I wasn’t shaky, I was thinking clearly. I didn’t feel like I was going to hurl. And then…all of those suffocating negative thoughts and feelings came rushing back. What!? What just happened to that wonderful unexpected bliss? Shit. I recognized it immediately because I now had something to compare it to. I had anxiety again! But why? How could someone be anxious about not being anxious? That’s just dumb. Or is it?
Many people experience this phenomenon but not everyone can easily pin point why it happens. Turns out you become comfortable even with toxicity and it can be very challenging to accept change. People are hard-wired to be comfortable with the ‘known’ and to be’ uncomfortable or scared of the ‘unknown.’ If our norm has been being in a state of constant anxiety it is natural to have a very intense reaction once we no longer feel that way. It all comes back to learning to accept change whether it is intentional or unintentional change. A very easy way to describe the unintentional is to think of something like being laid off from work. You didn’t know it was coming, you have no say in the matter - you have to change. Believe it or not, intentional change is the harder of the two to accept. Deciding and committing to change takes work.
Do I still have anxiety? Yep I’m sure as hell not “cured.” What this journey has helped me see though, is that I have choices. When there is unintentional change, I may not have a say in why it happened, but I have a choice in how I accept it. I have a choice in who I bring along as an advocate and accountabilibuddy like my therapist and my coach. I have a choice in what I put into my body that helps keep me nourished and energized. I have a choice in setting up my home environment in a way that feels calm and organized. Above all, I know that I am deserving of meaningful intentional change in my life and capable of handling the unintentional.